I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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