Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
