I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
