i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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