Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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