you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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