I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
