were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
