i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
