I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
