this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
