And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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