He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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