she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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