Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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