I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
