oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We need to rekindle our bromance
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
