No awkward lesbian experiences without me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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