He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
