My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize