I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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