Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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