We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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