Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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