I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize