Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
