i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
