I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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