so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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