I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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