I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
