I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
