I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
