Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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