You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize