Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize