Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
