just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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