I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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