Sponge bath it is.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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