so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
