Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
