I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize