Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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