tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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