Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
