I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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