Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
