What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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