My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
