if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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