He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
