I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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