Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
