On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
