She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
