halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
