i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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