There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
