This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
