woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
