kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Two words: blizzard sex
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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