where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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