i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
