sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
