is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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