After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's even glitter on my cock...
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