Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
