PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
