i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
