And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
