I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
