I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
