Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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