i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
