Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
