last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
