I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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