Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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