you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
