i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
