you win again, gameday.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
