Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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