I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
