I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
