He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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