Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
