So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
