It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
